Make Your Family a "School of Prayer"

Perseverance and parental teamwork helps to nurture a home where "God is first" for a lifetime.

"Magnify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together." (Psalm 34:3)

Fr. Patrick Peyton, founder of the post-World War II prayer movement called "Family Rosary Crusade," coined this expression: "The family that prays together stays together." To gather together in the name of the Lord, mother and father and children, and to joyfully celebrate his loving presence and seek his help and guidance establishes a genuine spiritual bond between the family and God, who is father of us all.

As families, we should never be embarrassed to acknowledge our relationship with the Lord. On the contrary, we are to take delight in the Lord: "Find your delight in the LORD who will give you your heart's desire (Ps 37:4).

God First in All Things

Some decades ago, family prayer was a more common practice among Catholic families, especially the recitation of the Rosary. Unfortunately, the hectic schedule of modern society has certainly warred against the stable practice of praying together as a family.

However, there are Catholic families who are managing to preserve this laudable practice of family prayerand reaping the spiritual benefits of it. The parents who have struggled to persevere in the practice of family prayer have communicated a vital message to their children: that God is first.

"Therefore, you shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength" (Dt 6:5).

It's All About Relationship

St. John Paul II taught that the family was to be a "communion of life and love." This communion finds opportunity for growth and transformation whenever we place ourselves before the Lord as a family unit. Praying together as a family makes a space for the operation of grace in the hearts of all who participate.

Parents are right when they emphasize the importance of helping their children learn the discipline of prayer in the family context. Yet, a far superior reason to pray together as a family is because God truly loves us and wants to be in our midst.

Jesus spoke to his first disciples about his promise to be with them. "For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them" (Mt 18:20). God's loving presence in the family at prayer is intended to keep our hearts and minds awakened to the precious truth that God is among us. He wants to bless and lead us in our daily lives as one who journeys with his people until they all reach the Father's house.

If parents accomplish this one goal of fostering a bond of trust between the Lord and their children, they will have served them well not only in the present but also for a lifetime.

A Multi-splendored Expression

Over the years, I have listened to many parents who have attempted to establish family prayer in a meaningful way. I know of families who do gather to pray the Rosary together. I know other families who pray together more spontaneously and creatively use the Bible in their worship. Some other families have the practice of praying the Liturgy of the Hours.

These and other approaches to prayer can be spiritually fruitful. Each household will have to discover their way to express family prayer most fruitful for them. One size does not fit all.

I do want to recommend, however, five elements that can aid in having family prayer be a positive, life-giving experience.

Praise: Praising God can be expressed in word and song. Consider providing some simple musical instruments for the children to use in worship. When younger children are oriented to joyously come before the Lord, it draws their hearts to perceive God as good and happy to be with them.

Petition: Teach children how to bring their needs before the "throne of grace" (Heb. 4: 16). It is extremely important for children to believe that God wants to hear and answer their prayer—for themselves, their family members, and their friends. Teaching them to bring "requests before God with thanksgiving" (Phil 4:6) will be crucial, because God, who is all good, listens to our prayers and will answer.

Intercession: This is a most precious element of prayer, since the family is able to express its concern for the sufferings of others in a united way before God our Father. My wife, Inez, and I never cease to be blessed and moved by the intercessory prayers of our children. So often we are able to catch a glimpse of their hearts as they seek God's help for those they love.

Forgiveness: Seeking the Lord's forgiveness in the context of family prayer can be a fruitful and life-giving experience. As family, we are all keenly aware of our weaknesses and small, besetting sins that can and have disturbed family harmony. It is a salutary practice to ask forgiveness of the Lord Jesus for having fallen short in loving him and one another.

Listening: Family prayer can provide an opportunity for cultivating the practice of listening to the Lord together. The family can certainly "make a joyful noise to the Lord" (Ps 100:1), but is of utmost importance to teach them to "be still and know that [he] is God" (Ps 46:10).

Let Us Begin

God blesses the faithfulness and right intentions of parents who in faith and trust launch out into leading prayer in the home. The Holy Spirit will help parents in this important service to the family. The perseverance of parents will bring the reward of a more united family under Christ.

Dad and Mom together must step out and lead. Children are extremely perceptive to the words and behavior of their parents. They detect our inconsistencie—all too quickly.

Mom and Dad must be on the same spiritual page. If Dad involves himself in leading family prayernot Mom alone who typically leads in this areathe children will be more firmly drawn in. Husbands and wives together are the spiritual leaders in the home. As the children grow older, there is no reason why they can't be asked to lead some aspect of family prayer. When they are given responsibility, they identify more with family prayer.

Time and Frequency

Ideally, family prayer should be integrated into a daily schedule. A set time and place to gather as family could be at dinner table when the family takes its meals.

Whatever is decided, the entire family should be committed to supporting the practice. Parents should be realistic; family prayer for teenagers may not always be their most favorite activity. We will need to help keep priorities straight and attitudes positive. It's what parents do!

Exercise good judgment and discernment when deciding the amount of time for family prayer. The age of the children, family size, and their capacity to contribute will be major factors in making decisions about frequency and length of family prayer. The expression "quality time" may serve us in this regard. A briefer, but well thought out, time of prayer may serve your situation best, rather than something extended.

What is most important is that the Lord wants our hearts. He wants family prayer to be a place and a space for the heart to be lifted up to God.

Growth Takes Time

In his apostolic letter Novo Millenio Ineunte, St. John Paul II exhorts the entire Church to create "schools of prayer." The family unit can become such a school of prayer. The Holy Father elaborates, "The meeting with Christ is expressed not just in imploring help, but also in thanksgiving, praise, adoration, contemplation, listening and ardent devotion, until the heart falls in love'" (no. 33).

May family prayer be that environment where through our perseverance the heart truly falls in love.