"You Have Not Chosen Me, I Have Chosen You."

Fourth-year theologian Jernej utar (pronounced YER-nay SHOO-shtar) will graduate from Sacred Heart on Saturday, April 30. He is scheduled to be ordained to the priesthood for the Diocese of Marquette on June 3.

Q: You are the first Sacred Heart seminarian from Slovenia no doubt, so that is an honor.

A: There are only two million Slovenians in Slovenia. I usually say as a joke that you should consider yourself lucky to have met me. Because this is the only time you'll probably meet a Slovenian!

Q: In a month, God willing, you will be ordained. The date is June 3, in Marquette. I understand you are part of a religious order and you are connected to the Diocese of Marquette?

A: I'm a member of the Companions of Christ the Lamb. The way a religious order grows is a process. First it's Association of the Faithful, and then it's Public Association of the Faithful, and then Public Clerical Association, which is the status we have now. The last stage, the fully recognized religious order, will be Society of Apostolic Life. As a Public Clerical Association, all our priest-candidates go through the diocese. So the Companions of Christ the Lamb is a Public Clerical Association of the Diocese of Marquette.

Q: When was the community founded?

A: Twenty-five years ago, by Fr. Jack Fabian. He was a priest of the Archdiocese of Detroit and heard the call to form a religious order. The Companions started as a prayer group at Father's parish [St. Charles Borromeo Parish in Newport, Michigan] and then slowly developed, and finally Cardinal Adam Maida released him to pursue this religious order full time.

I would be the first priest who came from "scratch." There were other priests that joined Companions of Christ the Lamb when they retired from their own dioceses, and some of them have passed away now. Fr. Dan Zaloga has just joined us, from the Diocese of Marquette. But I would be the first one from scratchso I'm the first baby.

Q: What is the main charism of the community?

A: It's fostering of the interior life and closeness with nature. It is reviving the Church's desert tradition. There is a lot of emphasis in our society on the external, the pragmatic aspect of our lives, on efficiency. We focus on the interior life, on simplicity. We have a retreat center [in Paradise, Michigan, in the Upper Peninsula], about one thousand acres, and we have no electricity there. We have log cabins and people just love it! They come here, away from electronics, for silence.

But this retreat is not an end in itself, just to be out there in the wilderness; it's a means to encounter God in a deeper way. Quiet yourself down, surround yourself with wilderness, unspoiled creation which is the first Word of God and let this Word, let God speak to the depths of your soul. You should try it sometime, it really works. So we learn from creation, find God through his wilderness. The Lord always forms his people in the wilderness. Abraham was called from the city of Ur into the wilderness, forty years of wilderness for the people of Israel, Elijah spent most of his time in the wilderness. Jesus went to the desert for forty days. John the Baptist was raised in the desert. St. Paul and many of the Church Fathers spend several years in the desert before they embarked on the active ministry. Their evangelization was fueled by contemplation in the wilderness.

Q: Can anyone go there for a retreat? It's better to go in the summer than in the winter, right? It gets a little cold up there.

A: Yes, everyone is welcome any time of the year. In the winter, we'll take you out to the retreat house by snowmobile because you can't get out there by car. We have a house in town, but then we take you by snowmobile to the cabin in the woods about seven miles out. You have your own wood stove. It's just you and the Lord!

Q: So how did you get connect with the Companions of Christ the Lamb?

A: I came to the U.S. in the year 2000. I was on a retreat in Slovenia and this priest said to me, "The Lord told me to give these papers to you." I'm like, "OK?" The papers turned out to be an application for a scholarship to Ave Maria College, which is now a university in Florida, but it opened up as a college here in Ypsilanti. I'm like, "Ok, that's probably one of those things that looks too good to be true." But I filled it out and sure enough, I got an email saying, "Congratulations, you're accepted!" That's how I went to Ave Maria College and at that point I began to realize that the Lord was up to something.

But I did not know what it was and after I nearly got married, obtained two degrees, tried several jobs, I finally stopped and listened to God again. The more I was thinking in the direction of being a priest, the more peace I had. So much so, that I actually signed up here at Sacred Heart as a commuter student. I loved the classes here.

I felt strongly drawn to priesthood, but I just didn't see myself as a parish priest. And then I went to the Companions of Christ the Lamb for a retreat, just thinking "Silence, wilderness . . . sign me up!" And it just felt right, nothing else felt so right in my life. I thought about it for a year and moved up there for a year of discernment. And I did my novitiate.

Q: How did you end up at Sacred Heart again?

A: After the novitiate, I professed my temporary vows with the Companions and returned back to Sacred Heart as a candidate for priesthood. I was happy to come back because the theology department here is just amazing. I loved the classes but, you know, being called into wilderness, I found living within these walls in the middle of a city a little challenging. And it has been, but the Lord got me through. This is my fifth year as a seminarian.

Q: What are the things that you're most grateful for?

A: What has built me up the most is the faith of the faculty. The professor—they don't teach some sort of abstract theory, they convey Christ with their words and with their lives. I was built up interiorlyapart from what they actually saidI was built up by who was shining through them. I was amazed at how deeply faithful they were and how Holy Spirit just comes through them. So it has been truly transforming.

Q: You mentioned that Slovenia is a predominately Catholic country. Tell me what it was like growing up with that background?

A: Everyone went to Mass on Sunday, the whole town! And if you have a newly ordained priest in your town, the whole town celebrates. It's bigger than any wedding.

My family always emphasized, especially my mom, the interior faith. Not just exterior expressions of religion, but you have to have your personal faith. When I was about six years old, I had an encounter with the Lord, and again when I was twelve, and it really hit me when I was twenty. From that moment on I knew my life was not going to be anything other than a close walk with the Lord. All I wanted was to do something with Him. It didn't have to be priesthood or anything religious. But it was going to be in, and with, and through Jesus. But it ended up being religiou—and it looks like it's going to be priesthood, as well.

Q: When a priest is ordained in your town, it's a big celebration. Are you going back home after you are ordained?

A: Yes, I'm going back. The contemplative side of me almost wants to avoid it because it's a big to-do. But my brother is also getting married this summer, so I'm going home for that, too.

Q: You're already an ordained deacon. What have you learned about the life ahead of you?

A: The moment after I was ordained a deacon, nothing ever felt more right than thatjust an overwhelming sense that this is "it." I imagine it's a similar feeling when you meet the person who is supposed to be your spouse. A feeling of, "This is really right." When I baptized my first baby, I just felt the Lord in my hands, in my words, and it was really him who baptized. I thought, "Thank you Lord. I want to do this more with you. I want you to do it through me."

Q: What are you praying about as you head into the important date ahead of you, your priestly ordination?

A: I think what he's saying is: "It's not what you do, it's what I do through you. You have not chosen me, I have chosen you. For the next month, relax in me and I'll take care of the rest." There's deep joy in what's about to happen. And that doesn't mean I'm doing cartwheels every day. It's an interior joy that's never been there before.

Q: When you look at the priesthood from secular eyes, it's not easy to understand. But it's a mystery right?

A: I tried many paths and I know how things are when you can kind of do them but you don't feel completely in it. There's something missing. When you are on the path to which you're called, you feel an enormous amount of peace, peace that the world can't give.

Q: I've heard the rector say that seminarians are to have a "friendship in Christ." Do you feel that you've grown in that friendship?

A: Absolutely. Any weakness that the Lord showed me about myself, he turned into some kind of grace. So the relationship, the friendship with God, just grew here at Sacred Heart. He put me at ease, he put me at peace.

Q: What kind of priest would you like to be?

A: I want to be the kind who invites people to a deeper interior life. And to help people recognize the movements of the Holy Spirit within their hearts, because those movements will draw them closer to God and closer to who they really are. If I can do that a little bit, that would be awesome.